Another introduction...

...to another sweet baby boy!

It has been so long since I blogged, that I wrote nothing during the time I was pregnant this time. But, for my memory's sake, I wanted to at least record the birth story.

Judah Mark Jarrard made his debut on May 18th at 3:50 p.m. and weighed in at 10 lbs. 3 oz. and was 22" long! I still can't believe I gave birth to a 10 pound baby!

Like his brother, Judah was taking his sweet time coming into the world, so as I approached 41 weeks, my doctor had us make a game plan. So we decided to get the induction on the calendar. I think she would have let me do the non-stress test again at 41 weeks and plan from there, but I honestly was so done with being pregnant by the end of this one! I was so sore and swollen that I was ready for baby to be out! I measured ahead consistently throughout this pregnancy and had a second ultrasound at 36 weeks that already was estimating baby's weight to be 7.1 lbs, so I was surprised she let me even go a whole week past my due date. I was hoping to be further dilated since I started having contractions a few weeks before delivery, but I was only around 2-3 cm.

Again, my mom came out on my due date (May 10th) and stayed for two weeks. We knew better this time that there was a good chance baby would not come by then! We had a great time, and it was nice having her here during those last uncomfortable days. She was so helpful with Silas and helped me stay on top of cleaning and laundry. Silas loved his play time with Grandma!

Monday was a very early morning as we needed to be at the hospital at 6:30 to get checked in and up to the labor & delivery room. When I got up I used the restroom and felt a a small gush of fluid. I was pretty sure my water broke, but wasn't 100% positive since it was different than when my OB broke my water the first time. I put a pad on just in case but didn't feel any leaking on my way to the hospital.  I had my IV in and fluids and pitocin started by 7:00 and things progressed steadily from there. They started me on the lowest dose of pitocin and as my contractions became more consistent and a little stronger, I started feeling fluid with each one. Dr. Munns came to check on me around 8:30 and I was dilated 3.5/4 cm, and suggested I get the epidural within the half hour because she had a feeling I was going to progress fairly quickly and start having some harder contractions. And was she right! by 9:00 I was ready for the epidural. From there on out, I dilated about a centimeter per hour. At one point I asked if they could just turn off the pitocin haha! At the very end we were waiting on one little edge of my cervix to move so that I could start pushing. The nurse had me lay on my side and within 15 minutes I knew we were about to have a baby! I literally felt him drop and had the strongest urge to push. I was shaking from the intensity! By the time Dr. Munns got called over, I was sure one of the nurses was going to have to catch the baby haha! But, she made it in the nick of time, and we finally found out we had another son! My mom cut the cord and we found out just how big he was!

I loved this labor and delivery (as much as you can love it lol). It went so smoothly and so much quicker, and I actually remember the day so much better. I remember about a half hour before I had him, the nurse checked me, and realizing how close we were, I started crying. It hit me that this was really happening and I was about to have another baby. So many emotions came over me in that moment. They were tears of joy though! Mark had ran out to use the restroom quick since it was almost go-time, so he was so confused when he came back and me, mom, and Cindy were all in tears! ;)

Mark, as usual, was incredible. So patient, attentive, and encouraging. It was also an honor to have my mom there again, and I couldn't believe she actually cut the cord! It was also such a blessing that the timing worked out for Cindy Brown to be there and take photos for us throughout Judah's birth day! God worked this day out so perfectly, and I am so grateful for such an incredible experience, and for a healthy baby. d

almost 5...

This baby boy is almost 5 months old! Next weekend, actually. It is so fun to watch him grow and discover new things, but also a little sad to see him already growing so quickly. Time is flying by, and I'm trying to cherish every moment of his babyhood.

He is such a happy little guy. Lots of smiles that melt my heart. He does quite a bit of "chatting" and loves to blow bubbles. He chews on his hands constantly (teething is a comin'), and has discovered the fascination of his feet. He also wants to stand/jump all the time! Mark bought an exersaucer/bouncer last weekend, and Silas is absolutely loving it! He still leans forward or back since he's not sitting up yet, but he will stand straight up every once in a while. And those little legs are getting strong! It's a lot of fun watching him get so excited.

He rolls over really well from his belly to his back, which is becoming a challenge at nap and bed time since he likes to sleep on his tummy. But it's really fun to see him roll over and look up at me with the biggest smile all proud of himself.

Becoming a parent was probably the most life-changing moment of my life, but I can't imagine life without him now. Parenthood has already challenged and stretched me in just 5 short months, but I hope I am becoming a better wife and mother out of all the things I experience and learn along the way.

Father's day

As I sit here listening to the sweet sounds Silas is making in his sleep, I keep thinking about how grateful I am for the father he has. I am grateful I can celebrate the man my little boy will look up to. I always knew Mark would be a wonderful dad, but to witness how he loves our baby makes me love him more than I already did.

Yesterday marked 25 years that I have been adopted, and as I think of my dad today, again I am grateful. Grateful for the man that became the living example of what it meant to be loved and cared for. Grateful for all the ways he is still here for me and my little family.

Most of all, I am grateful for all the men that God chose to place in my life that He knew would model His love to me.

The first 3...

...months, that is.

I keep hearing that time passes so quickly when you have children, and it's true. Well, not time itself, but all the moments within time that happen.

Silas will be 14 weeks old tomorrow, and I'm not sure how the first 3.5 months have come and gone already.

I have learned a lot in these past few months. Becoming a parent is amazing, but it is also life-changing, and sometimes really hard.

Carrying life inside of my body is an incredible feeling. No, not super comfortable those last couple of months, but I loved feeling and seeing him move.

Then, it was time to deliver. I knew it would be hard work, but there was no way to fathom just how hard when I had nothing to compare it to. Although it was a long, tiring labor and delivery, it made me feel like I could do anything. I am amazed by what my body can do! It is exhilarating!

The next two weeks felt kind of like a blur. I was sore, exhausted, hormonal, and now had a newborn to nurse every few hours around the clock. I like to think that the second time around will be different in the sense that I will have time to mentally prepare myself for how I will feel physically and mentally haha.
I think these weeks were the hardest for me. I was so incredibly happy, thankful, and bursting with love for this tiny baby boy that many times I would be crying tears of joy while rocking him. But on the other hand, it also hit me like a ton of bricks that my life was truly altered forever. It wasn't just me and Mark anymore, and I couldn't just do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I know the extreme tiredness, figuring out breastfeeding, and hormonal changes happening during that time had to do with my emotional roller coaster. Thankfully, things eventually level out haha.

Speaking of breastfeeding, this is also another component that can be difficult. I had so many moments of frustration and feeling like I was failing my child. It's not always as "natural" of a thing as it is often times made out to be. It takes work. A LOT of work. And in the case of me and Silas, we didn't make it as long as I was hoping. There are probably a lot of things I could have done to try and help him get better at nursing, but for my sanity I can't keep dwelling on that. I've made peace with our situation, and am glad that he is healthy and happy.

So, yeah, having a baby and becoming a parent is hard. And I feel like moms need, and should feel free, to be honest with how they are feeling and dealing with all the changes that happen the instant that baby is placed in your arms.

I also can honestly tell you that despite the challenges, there is so much good. Like, a ridiculous amount of good.
I could have never fathomed how much love I would have for this little guy. I already loved him when he was in my womb, but holding him and looking into his eyes has done something entirely different to my heart.
Sweet baby breath. Don't knock it until you experience it. It's the best. I savor every scent, every little noise he makes.
And now he's full on "talking." I love his smiles and coos and laughs. The way he smiles up at me when I pick him up after a nap. Or his happy coos when I sing to him. Melts me every time.
The way he stares into my eyes when I'm feeding him.
Watching him discover new things. First it was his voice, then it was his hands, now this week it's his feet. In the past week or two he's figured out that his hands and fingers open and close and that he can grab at his toys. He's also wanting to sit up more, which really means he tries to launch himself forward when I have him on my lap or propped up on the couch. And then he falls forward or over and it's hilarious. Mostly because he finds it funny.
His little tongue sticking out and him blowing bubbles and making noises with his mouth.
The snuggles. Even though he's getting bigger and wanting to move, he is still a snuggler and I hope he never stops.

The tiredness will never fully go away. There will always be hard moments. But, I also know that we have been given such a sweet blessing, and the good, happy moments will continue to be in the forefront.

Introducing...

...our sweet baby boy!

Ok, so this isn't really news. I started this a month ago and never got it finished. But, for my memory's sake, I still want to write about his birth.

Silas Henry Jarrard made his appearance on Wednesday, February 19th at 4:40 a.m., weighed in at a whopping 8 lbs. 14 oz. and measured 21 inches long.

Backing up a bit, my mom flew out on Feb. 9, which was the day before my due date. Obviously we knew there was a good chance I wouldn't go right on my due date, but we were hopeful it'd be within a few days since I had been slowly progressing over the previous few weeks.
I must say, we had the best time together while she was here! My maternity leave started on my due date, so I was off the whole time she was here. We walked every day at the YMCA or the mall, went shopping, ran errands, went out for lunch a couple times, went to Mocha Moment for coffee & muffins, and just enjoyed being together for a whole week. She also helped me stay caught up on laundry and cleaning which was so helpful!

Well, that whole week went by and no baby! On Monday (41 weeks) I went in for a non-stress test, and the baby was doing great. I was even having some contractions! I saw my OBGYN after the test and we started talking induction. Even though it wasn't the way I wanted to go, we needed to have a plan before I hit 42 weeks. So, she called over to Labor & Delivery and they had a spot open for the very next morning! I was so torn about what to do, but she told me I could schedule it and cancel by the end of the day if I wanted to wait until a little later in the week. So I scheduled it for Tuesday, partly because my doctor would be there (and also was on call Tuesday night), and partly because my parents would be leaving on Thursday. My dad was going to drive in on Tuesday, and he and my mom would be leaving on Thursday. I didn't really want to be having the baby when they were driving back to Ohio! We all thought I'd be back at the hospital on my own Monday night, and I did start having more contractions, but they were mild and not consistently time-able.

Monday night was such a mix of emotions. On one hand, it was exciting to know I'd finally be having this baby and find out if it was a boy or a girl. On the other hand it was that scary moment of realizing I was about to experience birthing a baby for the first time, and that our lives were never going to be the same!

I had to be at the hospital at 7 a.m. to check in, so it was an early morning so that I had enough time to shower and eat a light breakfast.

By 8:00, we were all settled in my L&D room, and the Pitocin was started. Around 8:30 my doctor came in to make sure things were started, and to break my water. From there, times became a blur. Mark could probably remember around what time things were happening; I just remember a general progression. I was able to deal with the contractions for quite a while, but eventually they become more painful, and the Pitocin is set to make you have them every 2-3 minutes. I was only about 3-4 cm dilated at that point and knew I didn't want an epidural yet, but wasn't sure how long I'd make it without any relief. I eventually got a pain medication called Stadol to help take the edge off. It makes you feel drunk at first, but it was so nice to just close my eyes and be able to get a little sleep. I'd wake up just enough to breathe through some of the stronger contractions, but was at least able to rest in between.

By the time I was at 6 cm (however many hours later that was), the pain med had worn off and I was ready for the epidural. I only had 4 more centimeters to go, so it wouldn't take too much longer, right? So, the anesthesiologist got it placed after having to move it twice; the first time was too far to the left, the second time he hit a nerve that put my lower back in excruciating pain. So we were finally in business and I was feeling great! Haha. I could still feel the pressure/tightening in my belly when I was having a contraction, but was having no pain.

I got stuck at 6 cm for quite a while, finally progressed, then got stuck at 8 cm for what felt like forever. This was the hard part because I was feeling the urge to push, but wasn't allowed! By this time I could also feel the contractions more, so I was having to really concentrate on breathing and not letting my body push. At one point they put in an internal sensor to make sure I was having true contractions. I think they were getting nervous that I would go too long and not make any more progress.

Pretty much as soon as I hit 10 cm the nurses really worked to help make it as good of a delivery as possible. I pushed for about 2.5 hours and finally got to find out we had ourselves a son! I got to feel his head (lots of hair!) as he was coming out and it was amazing! And a huge motivator to keep going! He came out crying a good, loud cry, and I just remember feeling so much relief, love, and joy all at the same time.

Mark was so amazing and encouraging throughout the whole process, and I honestly couldn't have made it without him! He seriously talked me through the hardest parts, let me hold/squeeze his hand, and held my head while I pushed.

I am so incredibly grateful that my mom also got to be a part of this experience as well. She doesn't do well with blood and seeing people she loves in pain, so she had stepped out with my dad when it was time for me to start pushing. Thankfully, she ended up talking to someone out in the waiting room that helped change her mind and she came back in. I love that she got to be there with me.

I am also so glad that our friend Jacey offered to take pictures at the last minute, otherwise we wouldn't have any pictures from during the delivery. I am so, so happy we have those photos!

And I am so very happy to have a healthy baby boy that finally decided to grace us with his presence almost 21 hours (and the day after we thought we'd have him) after we started the whole process!

39

I can't believe I'm 39 weeks pregnant today! Only one week from my due date, and it could be any time now. I'm really hoping I don't go to 41 or 42 weeks, but I'm mentally prepared that it could definitely happen. I have my OB appointment tomorrow morning, and I'm anxious to see if I've made any more progress. Weeks 36 and 37 I was dilated 0.5 cm and 50% effaced, and at 38 weeks 1 cm and 50% effaced. With all the pressure I've been feeling the past few days, I'm hoping for at least another centimeter and a little more effacement!

Baby's size: about 7 pounds and 20 inches, or about the size of a mini watermelon.
Cravings: Veggies, sweets, milk, cereal. Pretty much the same for quite a while now, but I'm also eating more fruits again the past few weeks.
Maternity clothes: Still a mix of my regular clothes and maternity clothes. I did finally get a big hole in my maternity jeans on Saturday. I noticed a small spot that was worn pretty thin, and it happened. :( I was hoping to make it with that one pair to the end, and possibly have them for the next time, but oh well. I guess lesson learned that I should have a couple pair to rotate.
Movement: lots of movement, but way less room! Baby really likes to kick into my ribs on my right side, which I don't love, but I do love seeing my whole belly move, or feeling the outline of a limb that pushing out. Totally weird, but so cool!
Best moment this week: Well, it's been another 5 weeks, so I have a few things again. ;) Mark booked a pregnancy massage for me a few weeks ago and it was heavenly! Then, this past week, he let me get a pedicure. It felt so good having those moments of pampering as I get more achy and uncomfortable. He has also given me some foot/shoulder rubs on his own accord, which make me feel loved and spoiled. We also got a glider and book shelf for the nursery, so everything is set up. I love just looking into the room, and can't wait to sit in there and rock our baby!
What I miss: bending over easily and being able to get in and out of bed easily. Had this one down from last time, and it's even more difficult now. Putting my socks and shoes on is quite the feat these days!
What I am looking forward to: enjoying these last few days and/or weeks as a family of two, but also so looking forward to finally meeting our sweet babe and finding out if it's a he or a she!

34

Well, I let this go a little longer than I wanted to. I can hardly believe I'm halfway through week 34, and that this baby will be here before we know it!

I thoroughly enjoyed our Christmas vacation in Ohio with my side of the family. The bonus was that my mom planned my baby shower for the weekend after Christmas, so we got to see Mark's parents and some other family on his side as well. I feel like we were so spoiled! This was baby shower number two, so I got pretty much everything we'll need starting out. We have been incredibly blessed!

Baby's size: about 4 3/4 pounds, or the size of a cantaloupe, and about 18 inches long
Cravings: Veggies, sweets, milk, cereal
Maternity clothes: a mix of my regular clothes and maternity clothes. Some of my shirts are definitely too short now. I also scored a pretty maternity coat that gives me enough room to grow, and I will still be able to button it. ;)
Movement: lots of movement still, which is reassuring. I feel like baby is extra squirmy in the evenings when I start winding down.
Best moment this week: Well, we'll say over the past 6 weeks, since I haven't updated. Getting to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas in Ohio (although Thanksgiving wasn't planned), having two baby showers to celebrate this little one, and a great 34 week appointment! :)
What I miss: bending over easily and being able to get in and out of bed easily.
What I am looking forward to: getting everything put away in the nursery now that I got everything washed and folded. It's gettin' real up in here!