Blessings

Feeling so blessed today.

I'm thankful:

For the wonderful man I get to call my husband, who loves me, encourages me to grow, and knows how to really have fun and make me laugh.

For the amazing women walking alongside me in this journey of life.

For my family who, although may be far, are so close to my heart.

For my church and church family.

For meeting neighbors. 

For sweet pups playing together in the backyard. 

For half priced frappuccinos and a Starbucks gift card.

For the God that loves me even though I fall short in so many ways.

I am most definitely blessed. 

messy {part 2}

This wasn't actually meant to be part 2, but that's just how life happened since part 1.

It's amazing how attached you become to someone in just a week's time. Someone you can't see, or touch, or feel. Someone you've been waiting for your entire life.

And then scientific evidence informs you that it wasn't meant to be in this life.

We are sad and heartbroken. But, we also have hope. Life is messy sometimes, and we aren't entitled or promised that it will be easy. We have a choice to make, and I am choosing to draw closer to God, to my husband, my family, and our friends who support us and love us and pray for us throughout this life.

God is sovereign, and He loves us.

I will cling to Him and submit to His will.

I will wait for heaven.

*********************************************************************************

I wrote this back in March. I was still hurting and raw. I still feel the hurt sometimes, but it's different now. It's something I can talk about. We didn't tell many people, because we only knew I was pregnant for about a week and a half before my Hcg levels started dropping. I didn't want to rehash everything a million times to everyone when my heart felt so broken. I still question sharing this publicly because I don't want people to feel like they have to say something to make me feel better about the situation. I've also found, that for me, it's easier to talk about something of this magnitude after the most intense pain has subsided.

What surprised me most were the moments the couple weeks following the miscarriage when something would be said, or a worship song was sung, that would knock the wind out of me. It was anguish, the emptiness of my womb, but also a clinging to the constant, merciful, loving God who holds, heals, and comforts.

He has also been teaching me. Not just that I need him, but that I need to submit to him fully. This isn't my story. He is using me to tell his story. I realized I had a choice to make. I could be angry and let that consume me and make me unhappy/bitter, or I could be sad and hurt, but still find joy and hope in the Lord because he is sovereign and loves me. I chose the latter, because I don't even deserve his love, but yet that is what he gives me unconditionally.