I keep hearing that time passes so quickly when you have children, and it's true. Well, not time itself, but all the moments within time that happen.
Silas will be 14 weeks old tomorrow, and I'm not sure how the first 3.5 months have come and gone already.
I have learned a lot in these past few months. Becoming a parent is amazing, but it is also life-changing, and sometimes really hard.
Carrying life inside of my body is an incredible feeling. No, not super comfortable those last couple of months, but I loved feeling and seeing him move.
Then, it was time to deliver. I knew it would be hard work, but there was no way to fathom just how hard when I had nothing to compare it to. Although it was a long, tiring labor and delivery, it made me feel like I could do anything. I am amazed by what my body can do! It is exhilarating!
The next two weeks felt kind of like a blur. I was sore, exhausted, hormonal, and now had a newborn to nurse every few hours around the clock. I like to think that the second time around will be different in the sense that I will have time to mentally prepare myself for how I will feel physically and mentally haha.
I think these weeks were the hardest for me. I was so incredibly happy, thankful, and bursting with love for this tiny baby boy that many times I would be crying tears of joy while rocking him. But on the other hand, it also hit me like a ton of bricks that my life was truly altered forever. It wasn't just me and Mark anymore, and I couldn't just do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I know the extreme tiredness, figuring out breastfeeding, and hormonal changes happening during that time had to do with my emotional roller coaster. Thankfully, things eventually level out haha.
Speaking of breastfeeding, this is also another component that can be difficult. I had so many moments of frustration and feeling like I was failing my child. It's not always as "natural" of a thing as it is often times made out to be. It takes work. A LOT of work. And in the case of me and Silas, we didn't make it as long as I was hoping. There are probably a lot of things I could have done to try and help him get better at nursing, but for my sanity I can't keep dwelling on that. I've made peace with our situation, and am glad that he is healthy and happy.
So, yeah, having a baby and becoming a parent is hard. And I feel like moms need, and should feel free, to be honest with how they are feeling and dealing with all the changes that happen the instant that baby is placed in your arms.
I also can honestly tell you that despite the challenges, there is so much good. Like, a ridiculous amount of good.
I could have never fathomed how much love I would have for this little guy. I already loved him when he was in my womb, but holding him and looking into his eyes has done something entirely different to my heart.
Sweet baby breath. Don't knock it until you experience it. It's the best. I savor every scent, every little noise he makes.
And now he's full on "talking." I love his smiles and coos and laughs. The way he smiles up at me when I pick him up after a nap. Or his happy coos when I sing to him. Melts me every time.
The way he stares into my eyes when I'm feeding him.
Watching him discover new things. First it was his voice, then it was his hands, now this week it's his feet. In the past week or two he's figured out that his hands and fingers open and close and that he can grab at his toys. He's also wanting to sit up more, which really means he tries to launch himself forward when I have him on my lap or propped up on the couch. And then he falls forward or over and it's hilarious. Mostly because he finds it funny.
His little tongue sticking out and him blowing bubbles and making noises with his mouth.
The snuggles. Even though he's getting bigger and wanting to move, he is still a snuggler and I hope he never stops.
The tiredness will never fully go away. There will always be hard moments. But, I also know that we have been given such a sweet blessing, and the good, happy moments will continue to be in the forefront.
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